“It’s like a red mist descends and then I go somewhere I can’t seem to get away from”
What is anger?
It is a natural emotional response which has evolved to help us cope with:
We all feel angry at certain times in our lives, many people are frightened to express their anger, they don’t want to be seen as someone with an anger problem. We can also feel angry on behalf of someone else. There are many different styles of anger.
Anger isn’t a bad emotion, but it can be tricky unless we learn how to use it, it can be a real help though, it can help warn us about things that may hurt us, it motivates us to make a change, it gives us the energy to deal with potentially threatening situations, anger gives us momentum.
Anger can be directed outwards or inwards towards ourselves. Anger can be expressed in the wrong way outwards but can cause a real issue when we don’t express it and it is repressed.
You may also need some help and guidance if you live with or are close to someone with anger problems.
What are the symptoms of anger issues? – these include but are not limited to:
- Tunnel vision
- Short panting breaths
- A tight feeling in your chest
- Stomach churning
- Increased heartbeat
- Feeling hot
- An overall tenseness
When should I be concerned?
You should seek help when you anger doesn’t follow the four rules:
- That it is timely
- In proportion
- Doesn’t hurt others or yourself
- And is relevant
The normal chain of anger, my anger:
- Tells me I have a problem…..
- that I need to think about…..
- and then I say or do something…..
- and then check out the results…..
- and then change what I do (if the first thing failed)…..
- or let go of my anger (if it worked).
The angry person, my anger:
- Tells me everything is a problem – the traffic, the spilt coffee, the colleague who is late for a meeting, the lawn that needs mowing again…..
- that I constantly think about…..
- then I come on too fast and too strong with what I say and do…..
- then I ignore the bad results…..
- so, I fail to change my actions…..
- and then I won’t let go of my anger.